Why do they always come back? Trust, it’s not because they love you.
They don’t come back because they changed. They come back to see if you did.
Ladies, how many times have we heard, “They will be back. They always come back.”
Hearing those words, especially when you are not ready for something to end, can be soothing to the ear. It can be the exact motivation you need to get through your day.
Because if they’re coming back, that must mean something, right?
But the truth about people returning is, in some way, they always do. Just not in the way we hope.
At least in my experience.
There have been so many times I have held out hope of someone coming back into my life renewed, glossy-eyed, and ready to tell me they’ve made the biggest mistake of their lives by allowing me to walk away. That they can’t picture their lives without me.
That this time, it would be different.
But the truth of the matter is, in 95% of cases, when people return, it’s simply to see if they still have access to you.
Access to your time. Access to your energy. Access to your softness.
They want to know if you will still answer when they call, if they can still make you smile, or even if you still make them smile.
Hardly is it ever about you and your desires, but simply their ego.
Some people don’t miss you. They miss the version of themselves that had access to you.
The realization is painful. It’s even more painful that it took me damn near 30 years to realize this.
To realize someone always returning to you isn’t the prize that we chalk it up to be. It’s not a love story. It’s a pattern.
And patterns don’t change just because someone reappears.
Truth is, even if someone has changed and does want to make it work with you, it shouldn’t be that easy.
We have to learn to forgive, of course, but not allow people to play with us.
Because every time you reopen a door too quickly, you teach people that access to you is easy.
I believe in being soft and feminine, always. I don’t believe in allowing people to make my heart hard or cold.
But you want to know what else?
Soft doesn’t mean accessible. Feminine doesn’t mean foolish.
I also believe that we should stand firm on our boundaries, and instead of immediately opening our hearts to the possibility of someone returning with pure intentions, we slow down, we breathe, and we allow them to show us their true intentions.
Because no matter the mask, a fake will always show their hand eventually.
Recently, I had someone return to me. I thought for sure this was it. I welcomed it with open arms, turns out, it was just a fake.
And that’s when I realized, they don’t come back because they love you. They come back to see if you still love them.